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Just when you thought that the action in Sherlock is over, Mark Gatiss slams critic with lyric poetry

January 11th, 2017

The recent episode of BBC’s hit TV series, Sherlock, has received mixed responses from critics. One criticism that stood out was Ralph Jones’s article in The Guardian saying Sherlock is becoming more like James Bond.

His write-up sparked an unexpected response from Sherlock co-creator Mark Gatiss, who also plays the character of Mycroft Holmes in the series. However, instead of going the Twitter/Facebook route, Gattis responded through a five-verse lyrical poem titled “To the Undiscerning Critic,” specifically addressed to Jones.

Here’s the poem in full:

Here is a critic who says with low blow
Sherlock’s no brain-box but become double-O.
Says the Baker St boy is no man of action –
whilst ignoring the stories that could have put him in traction.

The Solitary Cyclist sees boxing on show,
The Gloria Scott and The Sign of the Fo’
The Empty House too sees a mention, in time, of Mathews,
who knocked out poor Sherlock’s canine.

As for arts martial, there’s surely a clue
in the misspelled wrestle Doyle called baritsu.
In hurling Moriarty over the torrent
did Sherlock find violence strange and abhorrent?

In shooting down pygmies and Hounds from hell
Did Sherlock on Victorian niceties dwell?
When Gruner’s men got him was Holmes quite compliant
Or did he give good account for The Illustrious Client?

There’s no need to invoke in yarns that still thrill,
Her Majesty’s Secret Servant with licence to kill
From Rathbone through Brett to Cumberbatch dandy
With his fists Mr Holmes has always been handy.

Mark Gatiss

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