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From penne to penis: Shoppers turn to phallic-shaped pasta amidst food shortage

March 26th, 2020

After the new coronavirus (COVID-19) cases had spanned worldwide, shoppers rummaged the supermarkets for hand sanitizers, toilet rolls, and canned goods. But for those who were left with nothing but empty shelves—because of these selfish hoarders—they turned to Ann Summers’ phallic-shaped pasta.

Known for its wide range of high-quality sex toys, adult novelty food items, and sexy lingerie, Ann Summers (which is a British multinational retailer company) has been providing customers with their needs and of course, erotic entertainment.

Being in business for 40 years, Ann Summers reached another milestone after their cheeky food item had sold out in just a span of seven days, as compared to last year. In an article published by Evening Standard, the retailer disclosed that they are restocking the now-famous penis pasta to cater to a sudden influx of customers visiting their website. In order to avoid stockpiling, they ensure that consumers are only allowed to purchase one box at a time, which costs £5 (Php 302.38) apiece.

Apparently, our pasta cravings won’t be complete without some special garlic pesto sauce. With that said, the retailer even partnered with Aldo Zilli, a celebrity chef specializing in Italian cuisine to provide the condiment.

“In times like these, it’s important we look to have some fun and smile where we can. In a turn of events, I am excited to be teaming up with Ann Summers to share a delicious recipe for cooking with their best selling Penis Pasta, providing ultimate meal-inspiration,” Zilli said.

Meanwhile, in an effort to maintain social distancing, Ann Summers CEO Jacqueline Gold said in a statement that they shut down their stores for the time being.

“To keep you, our customers – and our family safe, we’ve decided to close our stores for now. Stores will close on the afternoon of Sunday 22nd March and all colleagues affected will remain on full pay until at least the end of April. We may be kept apart in the physical sense but you won’t miss out on those years of expertise you know and love from our awesome store teams and legendary party ambassadors. We look forward to welcoming you back in person to our stores when the time is right but, for now, the priority for us all has to be to stay safe. Let’s look after each other,” explained Gold.

Although it is indeed a good alternative to the usual penne, we just hope that when we serve it to kids, as well as, elders, they won’t notice the difference. Heh.

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