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Deconstructing the ‘sad boi’: What makes one a sad boi

Ah yes. The sad boi. 

The internet pop culture archetype that somehow found its way to real life through ‘sad boi music’ and other artistic displays that often convey the sadness that comes along with life and failed relationships. Most of the time, they can come across as someone who’s highly in tune and vocal about their emotions and is aware of the realities of the world around them. 

While that isn’t entirely a bad thing, you might not realize that they’re already manipulating or gaslighting you into doing the things that they want. And sad bois are notorious for being the stereotypical emotional manipulator. 

Dosan Start up kdrama soft boi

So, what really makes a sad boi, into an actual sad boi? Here’s how to find out:

Defining the ‘sad boi’ 

According to Urban Dictionary, a ‘sad boi’ is someone who is “often upset by things in the world”. They often talk about whatever they’re feeling in the moment, listens to Vaporwave, Joji, Kodaline, Russ, Frank Ocean or Daniel Caesar (no hate), and often employs self-depreciating humor in their daily conversations. They channel and express their emotions through artistic means like music and poetry too!

In stayhipp.com, they wrote that sad bois “can be musicians, skaters, Tumblr bloggers, E-boys, soft boys, art boys, or any other type of boy”. So yeah, they could literally be anywhere or anybody at this point. 

Why do people hate sad bois?

Good question. People paint sad bois in a negative light for three reasons: 

  • They can be highly manipulative. 

Because people see them as sensitive and “in touch” with their emotions, some ‘sad bois’ often use this to their advantage. They use their sadness to manipulate others to get what they want. Or as an excuse to act like a fuckboy. 

When confronted with their manipulative behavior, these ‘sad bois’ gaslights and guilt trips people into thinking that they didn’t do anything wrong. An example of their typical oner-liner: “I’ll just end my life if I can’t be with you”

Yuck toxic. But think of Song Kang’s character in Love Alarm as an example.

  • They can be a little overdramatic. 

Love Alarm Song Kang kdrama sad boi character

Because they’re so dramatic, they often turn their ‘sad boi’-ness into their entire personality—their music, art and even poetry preferences. They make their self-depreciating jokes all about them, and sometimes even think of themselves as the main character in everyone’s lives. 

News flash: being a sad boi doesn’t make you into the main character. 

They also project their sadness towards others in a whole different level. It’s draining af. 

  • They don’t take accountability for their actions. 

Sad bois don’t hold themselves responsible for the times they’ve intentionally/unintentionally hurt others at all. They often run away from it, or worse, even gaslight others into thinking that it wasn’t their fault. 

They see themselves as the victim and will always play the victim card no matter what the situation. Sad bois also rely on others to defend them whenever they need, and to “shield” them from confrontation or conflicts that could “hurt” them. 

Are all sad bois like that? 

No, I don’t believe so. But because of how some people are infamous and are experts in being manipulative and controlling behavior, they’ve become generalized as “sad fuckboys”. There are also some who don’t realize that what they’re doing is already manipulative and mean, and that’s where we can start informing them. 

We can start guiding them in their journey to self-improvement. There’s nothing wrong with liking sad music, poetry or movies, or self-depreciating humor. It’s just the way they unwittingly become manipulative and controlling of others. 

There’s nothing wrong with helping them improve themselves, no? So whenever you encounter a sad boi, you can call them out on their terrible af behavior and help them avoid that, or if they’re really stubborn and a sad boi through and through, then just call them out and shame them. 

Those sad bois deserve all the shame in the world. 

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