[Commentary] I’m just a girl…and all I want is to feel safe

[Warning: This article contains sensitive content relating to sexual violence, including harassment and rape. If you or anyone you know is a victim of abuse and violence, please do know that you are not alone and help is always available.]

Picture this: You are walking alone on the streets in the middle of the night. You know, just casually strolling around the neighborhood to breathe fresh air. As you walk towards your home, all you ever think about is how peaceful the night is upon gazing at the stars in the sky, muttering the words, “What a lovely evening,” under your breath. As you get home, you smile to yourself and let out a sigh of relief before preparing to go to bed and drift off to sleep peacefully.

Isn’t it a lovely scene that is like straight out of a movie, ‘no? 

While this scenario is common and a reality for many people, unfortunately, some do not have the luxury of enjoying themselves walking in the middle of the night—because the world that we live in is not a safe place for us: women.

From such a very young age, every girl has been taught that the street is not safe for women; thus, we have a universal protocol. 

Do not walk alone at night. Do not go anywhere alone but if you do, let other people know of your whereabouts. 

Bring something with you: a key, a pepper spray, a pen, a pair of scissors, or just basically anything that you can use as self-defense. 

Don’t wear something scandalous. Be wary of your surroundings always—whether it’s during daytime, afternoon, or nighttime. 

And the list just goes on… but what would you do if the people that you have trusted—friends, neighbors, relatives, family—were the ones to commit violence against you? In your own workroom, inside your home—where you’re supposed to feel safe?

This last weekend, I spent my time scrolling through my social media news feed (I swear I tried to be productive), and there’s a certain post on X (formerly Twitter) that caught my full attention. The said post contains screenshots of global news headlines from different sites, but what made me stop in my tracks is that all of them appeared to tackle one thing: women being raped, sexually abused, and murdered.

And who committed those crimes? Well, it‘s only the people that they know.

global headlines back to back.

what an absolutely sick, terrifying world women must navigate. pic.twitter.com/k8s39m7nAx

— Sam (@SamanthaTeta) September 5, 2024

A case in point: Ugandan Olympic athlete Rebecca Cheptegei, who competed in the recently concluded Paris Olympics, was killed by her boyfriend after he doused her in petrol and set her on fire.

14-year-old Mercy Vangervihi was fast asleep when her neighbor, 15-year-old Goodluck Bison, broke into her home and then attacked and raped her to near death.

In India, the body of a 31-year-old female trainee doctor was discovered in a seminar hall at a government hospital. The woman had been reported raped and murdered, with signs of violence displayed in her body.

French woman Gisele Pelicot was drugged by her husband, 71-year-old Dominique Pelicot, with sleeping pills and recruited dozens of men to rape her between 2011 and 2020.

To say that this news is horrifying is an understatement. There are just no words to describe how appalled I am while reading about the horrendous actions committed by these men. My heart bleeds for these women who didn’t deserve to experience such cruel actions. My heart hurts even more for every woman who has gone through similar traumatic experiences.

What made these situations so much worse is that these all happened in the hands of the people that they trusted the most—people that should make them feel safe.

But, unfortunately, the sad truth is that these occurrences are more pervasive, and it has become a global concern.

According to a report by UN Women, an estimated 736 million women have experienced sexual and/or physical violence once in their lives worldwide. This violence is mostly perpetrated by current or former husbands or intimate partners, with almost 3 in 5 women recorded being killed by their family and partners. 

Here in the Philippines, violence against women appears to be one of the prevalent social problems. In a survey conducted by the Philippine Statistics Authority, 17.5% of Filipino women have experienced violence from their intimate partners, including physical, sexual, and emotional violence. 

In 2021 alone, the most reported cases of violence against women in the country were physical injuries with 8,399 women recorded to sustain such. Meanwhile, 1,791 rape cases were reported and 1,505 were acts of lasciviousness. 

For some people, these data may just be numbers, but they are more than that. For us women, these are real experiences that not only bring trauma but also give us a distorted sense of safety and trust. And if there’s anything that this data has proven, it is that there is no safe place for us to be.

We live in a profoundly different and more dangerous world. We don’t only have to think about our safety in public places, but we also have to be cautious and protect ourselves within the confines of our own homes. We are always told to be wary about the danger of meeting strangers, yet no one has told us that we are also at risk from the men we know, the men that we trust.

Isn’t it outrageous? 

And what’s funnier is that every time we use the phrase “all men,” people—mostly men—will be offended. They will eventually defend themselves by saying “not all men” do these bad things to women. 

Sure, it’s not all men, but we don’t know which men will do this kind of barbaric action. We don’t know which men will attack us out of nowhere, and this is why we stay wary of all men. 

We always tell young girls and women to do this or that, but no matter what precautions we take, we still end up in situations where we are at risk. 

So, it is high time that we, as a society, do something more for the safety of our girls and women. Educate yourself and other people. Listen to victims and survivors. Stop victim-blaming. Hold perpetrators accountable for their actions and seek justice.

While we are far from where we were before when it comes to women’s protection, there is still a lot of work that needs to be done to create a society where women can live their lives without fear. To achieve this, it requires a collective effort from society as a whole.

I’m just a girl, and I have the right to feel safe, respected, protected, and empowered in this world. 

So, please hear me out when I say that this violence against women needs to stop and that we deserve to navigate this world without looking behind our backs every single damn time.

Is that too much to ask?

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