In Filipino families, the lines between love, gratitude, and obligation have long been blurred by a deeply rooted cultural value: utang na loob. This sense of indebtedness isn’t just about repaying a favor, it’s about carrying the expectation of a lifelong reciprocity, often without question.

A recent post featuring Melai Cantiveros provoked this conversation. The comedian candidly shared her refusal to pay for her relatives’ tuition fees, writing, “Ba’t ako magbabayad ng tuition fee ng anak mo, eh anak mo ‘yan!” 

On the surface, it seemed as though it was a simple refusal to be financially burdened. Beneath it, however, lay a larger, unspoken truth. That for many Filipinos, personal success comes with inherited expectations that extend far beyond immediate family.

The mixed reactions from the TV host’s statement reflected a cultural divide. Some praised her for drawing clear boundaries in a society that often romanticizes sacrifice. Others criticized her, arguing that family should help each other especially if one has the means. 

At the heart of this debate is the question of when support that is freely given out of care and kinship hardens into obligation, demanded as a duty rather than offered as a choice.

Many breadwinners know this too well. In a culture where being financially capable often means being responsible for everyone else’s needs, the pressure to provide can be both emotionally and economically draining. What begins as a gesture of generosity quickly transforms into a cycle of expectation. One where refusal risks being branded as selfish.

Should personal success automatically entail a cost? Should someone’s hard-earned resources be open to anyone with a claim to kinship? These are difficult and uncomfortable questions, yet they seem to be increasingly necessary in a time when younger generations are redefining family dynamics, boundaries, and emotional expectations.

Melai’s statement may come across as a blunt message of her stance, but it is clear that it wasn’t a rejection of family, but a rejection of entitlement. It’s a reminder that while the concept and culture of utang na loob has its place in fostering care and togetherness in family, it should evolve into a value rooted in mutual respect, not lifelong obligation. 

Support should ease burdens, not create new ones. When it starts to feel like a transaction, we lose sight of why we give in the first place. 

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