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Commentary: ‘Fantasizing’ about other people in a sexual manner while in a relationship should never be normalized

Just because something is already happening and is perceived as normal doesn’t make it right. Wrong actions become ingrained habits because we condone them, toxic relationships become a phenomenon because we romanticize them, and false values are spread because we perpetuate them. To put simply, the wrong things keep happening because we allow them to happen.

Admit it or not, through the course of our lives, we’ve met someone who is so far off the boundaries of being a ‘good’ person that, whether we tell them what they’re doing is wrong or not, it doesn’t matter because, for most of the time, their life is theirs and ours is ours; how their individuality affects their life is their fault, and we just distance ourselves.

However, that is not the case if you’re influential, followed, and adored by thousands or millions, because in that case, you’re responsible for what you put out in the world.

Enter the case of Slater Young, content creator and ‘Pinoy Big Brother’ alum, whose name has become prominent again for his vlogs and podcasts with his family.

Slater has received backlash over a remark he made during a podcast with his wife, fashion content creator Kryz Uy, regarding fantasizing about other women while in a committed relationship as being “very normal.”

In the podcast, which was uploaded last Tuesday, May 9, they are talking about an anonymous letter wherein the topic was whether having desires toward other people is normal even if they are in a serious relationship.

“My boyfriend is fantasizing about other women, is that bad or am I crazy. He now labels me as isip-bata or crazy. We have debated every now and then about his infidelity. I never caught him in person or being physical with a girl. But I caught some chats with his tropa where they fantasize about women with big butts and breasts, and even joking about f***ing with certain girls,” the anonymous letter sender said.

Slater answered by saying he agreed with the guy, “The guy is being absolutely honest, kasi siyempre, if I’m going to lie to you, and you ask me if I have boners about other women, and if I wanted to lie just to make you comfortable, I’m just going to say, ‘No, of course not.’ Kryz and I talk about that,” he said.

He also mentioned that it is normal to send photographs of women on group chats and fantasize about them: “It’s just a fact of life that there are many other women more attractive than you or just as attractive as you. Yung mga groups na nagsesend ng photos of girls and fantasizing over it, it’s normal. It’s very, very normal.”

He added, “We have a lot of chat groups with friends, not naman necessarily dedicated to that but from time to time, for example you have a group of 10 friends, merong dalawa o tatlong tao na mahilig magsend ng mga ganyan, may mga comments pa. Siyempre ikaw, as part of that group, sakyan mo lang. Wala naman, hindi mo naman gusto talaga.”

Many people criticized his statement saying it is contributing to and boosting a toxic masculinity mentality.  On the other hand, some back him up, saying it is only normal for men to have group chats where members talk about women.

As far as that goes, we should always remember that there is a difference between admiration and fantasizing—you admire people for what they are, not for what you want them to be. Fantasizing about people is simply admitting that you identify them as objects and not as people who have their own individuality.

What’s even more disturbing about his statement is that he’s discussing it right next to his wife. Being honest doesn’t always imply being pure; it doesn’t diminish the magnitude of your wrong action/mindset.

And the thing is, it is happening; he knows it is happening; what is stopping him from saying it is wrong? His validation of that mindset is a revelation that, however righteous one might seem, if you’ll just ride the course of the wave, even if that means you’ll hurt someone, and you won’t do anything about it, you’re just as much in the wrong.



Slater Young has apologized for his bad take, saying he is ashamed of his previous remarks and that he made a mistake.


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